Why are my tears falling down on my cheek? Oh wait… I’m finally broken down after so long. Guess, I can’t hold it much longer about how I felt inside my heart. I always tell myself that it’s okay and it’s going to be all right but I reach the limit.
Not that I don’t have a happy life. I do! But having no one to talk too; does drive a person crazy. Who can I run to? Who can I talk to? Who can I trust? No body in this fucking place. I just have to keep on searching but I’m too tired of trying.
I just wish I could just run away and never worry about tomorrow. But what am I being so upset about?? I just don’t know anymore. Life is so mysterious that I no longer understand my needs. My wants. And all I want to do is sleep and never wakes up.
Home “jail” since Wednesday and I’m slowly going insane.
Hubby gone and left me all alone with two dogs. No one to talk to and don’t know what to do at home. Arrgghhh…. Wish I can just sleep and wake up hubby is back but I can’t. I have babies to take care. I hate my life when there nothing much I can do.
Sometimes, i do wish I have my long hair back. Only the day I have to dress up for dinner and realized I can't do much on my short hair. Oh, well... I still love my short hair and it will grow out of it without I realizing it.
Chinese New Year Eve's dinner this year! CRAB!
Calvin & I decided to have a relaxing eve since we did the Thanksgiving dinner in November.
And we too lazy to look for restaurants like last year.
Anyways, we're going dinner with friends tomorrow night and I hope it's not going to be pack since it's first day of CYN.
GONG XI FA CHAI everyone! Wish everyone gets a lot of Ang Pau this year!
I finally chopped my hair after 5 years having a long hair. I won’t say I’m brave or gut to cut it. I always do what I want to do and I been waiting to cut short for a long time but Hubby always prefer me having a long hair. And this year, I get to talk out of it and get my wish. A bit odd having a short hair and I don’t know what to do with it. No time to play around with my hair yet and just let it be a boring straight down.
Calvin took me to a French restaurant for our anniversary. I’m always blessed that I have a man that love food as much as I do and often surprised me with this beautiful romantic dine for us to enjoy.
Nothing special this time due to Calvin’s boss is in town and we have to babysit him for a bit. Just dinner! At least I got my Foie Gras :D
I saw a status update from a friend from Facebook and saying that she going to join the project 365 for her blogging. I saw this project few years ago and wanted to do it for a long time but I always telling myself that I will start it next month. Month by month has pass but nothing came out.
Since it’s 2011 and I wanted some changes in me. Someone who are more productive and making my blogging world to be more interesting and fun. I been thinking whole night; should I or should I not to pick up this project. Why not right? I never do this before and at least I do it one time in my life. I’m not joining any group at this moment but I do it for myself.
I have so much to blog right now. One photo at least in a day to blog about. Hope you guys are as excited as I am. Oh….. every photos won’t be taken by a professional camera. Some will be by my lovely phone for my convince purposes. So bare with me!
Now you can come and check my blog every single day. Who knows, you might fun something funny.
Happy New Year everyone! Hope everyone had a blast on New Year. Mine was okay; just dinner with a bunch of friends at the restaurant. No countdown! BUT Calvin & I did the countdown at home by watching the time square on TV. Better than nothing.
New Year, new start I guess. No resolution this year but still keeping my goal this year that was gaining weight. WHY am I having a hard time gaining weight when I eat and eat and eat till I’m sick of eating and still the same? I don’t know if I should give up on that goal? One thing I know I must do this year was to update my blog as often as I can. Hopefully one entry a day like I did before. No sure what really happen to me this year that I don’t have the motivation on updating. They’re no excuses of me being busy or no time. Come on! I stayed home right. The really answer to this was I caught up with the Facebook games. Don’t worried, I been slowing down a lot and I guess, I will give up soon. It really bad, I know. A lot of the things I should be done are all pending due to me sticking on the computer.
Okay for now, I have no idea what to write. Keep you posted on my updates. Chao!
Wow…. Christmas will be here in few days! Aren’t you excited as I am? I am very excited this year. Living here for five years now and I think this year is by far the exciting one I been looking forward everyday when I woke up in the morning. And I’m not home sick this year on this festival. Thanks God for making me feel better each year.
It’s a little different but at least I get to check on my bucket list. And I do feel really bless this year. God always do something so special to make me feel loved and that’s what I been looking for many many years! Not expecting everyone to love me but I must learn to love myself before everyone does. Not easy as A.B.C. but I can feel the door of my heart is opening slowly. Maybe Christmas is all about love. And yes God! I don’t want to feel or be an unwanted child no more and Thank You for letting me know I have a place to hide and cry when I needed you when the whole world turning their back on me. And Thank You for giving me all the patience and space in me to bottle up everything and never broke it. Cause you know, I can’t handle it if it ever break or crack. Thanks for taking care of it. I still don’t know how I survive this but I know you send an angel to protect it from being destroyed. I see in you working on me and me fighting to have a prefect life; a prefect family in my roof and it’s hard when I came from a broken family. I crawl for it but you make me walk. I learned to HATE but you stop it and changed my life for me. Oh…. God… What am I without you?? Thank You for standing by me all the time. Nothing more in the world I would ever trade. Because of you, I see things differently. Amin!
Thanksgiving this year was a bit different than any other years. I'm hosting it at our lovely crib which we usually don't. But I love it and making me wanna do more party at our place eventhou it's a bit small. Not everyone get to see our lovely home anyways and it's a good excuse to come and see it.
So, I never cook for a party before because I'm always think that my food don't taste good and they won't like it. I take it a challenge this time and I'm glad everything went well. The menu for dinner was: Turkey of course, Curry from my friend, Yatin, Dumpling from Michelle, Calvin childhood friend from Guam, Deviled eggs (really good! with sake & wasabi on it), French green beans, Crabs which cooked by Calvin (really GOOD) and my malaysian Butter Prawns ( and everyone loves it). We have wines and cheeses as well and etc….. The list never ends…. I prepared way too much food for party of seven. Thought it's better to have more than not enough for everyone. We all well behave and none of us actually drunk which is good.
We ended up with karaoke. I had so much fun this year and actually looking forward for next year which I usually done. I always gets depressed during this time around because I had no one here and it does make me lonely and sad. Sometimes I wonder, why am I making this decision on moving over here and expect live will be the same.
I'm still awake at 2:50am and busy preparing for a big feast at home. I'm so excited about the whole thing and it's my first time actually hosting it. Well, I'm just take a break for awhile and thinking just to drop some update on my entry to keep my blog alive. Finally gets to feel how my mom and grandma always busy; one day before Chinese New Year. It make me realized how much I'm not appreciated before and not offering any help but sleep tight. I really Thankful for a wonderful women in my life. My MOM and my GRANDMA. They really a super women for doing this for more than a decade.
Miss them much!
Already, it's time for me to rest. My body is about to kaput soon!
Today was a good day for me. Taking care of my baby Shiro and she doing just fine. Started to play but still not a normal she. A bit weak but better than yesterday.
As I was washing the bath towels, I decided to do something with my food blog. Something I want to achieve and keep me believing in me that I can do this. I just need motivation. Something I'm going to proud of myself.
And I did a header for my food blog. Well, did not take a long time for me, I think it only took me 30 minutes of my time for today. I'm restless actually; did not sleep well last night. Waking up every hour to check on my baby. I think, I'm a paranoid lady. Thank God I don't have kids yet, I think they going to hate me for being a paranoid mom which I can see myself checking or stalking them all the time. Whatever for now…….
Back to my header. So, I bought 2 pomegranates at the farmer market some times ago for it. And giving myself a try to create my own image. WaaLaa…….
What you think about it? No editing on this photo. Everything is raw. All I did is crop and add the words on it. Do you like it??
I hate being sick!!! These couple weeks, I knew something is not doing well for me. I had minor chest pains several times. And this week, I should have rest and not stressing myself up. I don't know what really matter with me, my brain just won't stop thinking and thinking.
Oh wait! So, I got myself a puzzle to see how long can I finished it. Honestly, I can finish it in 4 days which is scary but I hold it and waited for 2 days to completed it. The whole time i'm doing it, my brain still running like crazy while doing the puzzle and hand worked like a bullet. WOW!! I think I have an amazing brain but don't think I need it this time. And once I'm done with everything, I did a major make over for my place.
I have to keep myself as busy as possible. I'm a bad person when I have too much time thinking non-sense. Not that I hate thinking, but it does reflects my past for the things I had bottle up for many many years. Some said, it's not health for me but that's who i really am. I never learn to open up. It's the hardest thing to do. I don't vain to friends about my relationship or anything. I just keep it safe in me and keep on refilling the bottles when one is full.
I do miss my best friend back home. At least, I'm not shame crying in-front of her and tell her everything. Things do change when two person live in a different places especially across the planet. Hate the time different too. This time, is more like listening to her cry more than mine. I know I don't want her to worries about my part. Times can never turn back and it keep on ticking. Wonder if I can find just one best friend here, It would be great. It's okay, I don't need anyone to understand me. I'm used to be the one that get points all the time especially "BAD THINGS"!!
Right now, I just want to run! Endless run……..
like bubba Gump
I love spring cause I love the colorful surrounding and it also remind me that life can be as colorful as we like as long as we believe it.
Picture below is the tulip that I planted this spring and it bloom beautifully. Too bad, their life so short and ended before summer came. Every time I looked at it, it reminds me of McDonald cause of the yellow and red.
And I planted Bak Choi just for trying. Before the veggie can be fully grown, my little princess Cassie ate half of it. Even a dog knows it’s a veggie and better eat it before mommy gets it.
Done with my plants and I will bring you guys to the garden expo that I went. It’s my first time there and not sure what to expect and I don’t see the point of going there. 1) We don’t have a yard and 2) we have to pay for entre fee. But it’s all worth it! I’m glad we went and check it out and I can’t wait to have my own garden. Wonder if I can do anything on my patio to make it like a garden??? Hmmm….
I learned a lot of the expo on how to decorate your own garden and what amazed is that, you can actually using herbs plant to be the garden plants. Meaning you can have nice garden and you can use it in your kitchen in the same time. WOW!!! But I always wanted an herb garden and I been trying to plant herbs but never seem to work. And the only herb that I have right now is rosemary. Maybe it going to be my next project and hopefully hubby give me some mullah. Ha ha ha h……
1)This is the entrance.
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5) Beautiful stone..... for paths
6) Resting as my feet hurts. Wore the wrong shoe in the wrong event.
Living life to the fullest! What make me satisfy the most are having good foods from street to fine dining at any city! And when I want an escape from my stressful world, I tend to see myself in the kitchen making yummy foods. Always welcome guinea pig to taste my new recipes…..
